Recently, in a highly respected news "Enquirer" we found wadded in the trash, we read about how a certain brand of soda whose name rhymes with "Doubtin' Mew" is actually the end product of the infected urinary tracts of extraterrestrial creatures imprisoned in a secret government lab in Area 51.&nnbsp;
The New World Order, in conjunction with their Corporate Masters and the Puppet Government of Amerika are distributing this liquid as it allows it's consumers to be controlled by the Mainstream Media.
The only clue of this liquid's Un-Earthly origins is it's greenish-yellow, almost glowing, color.
In a further effort to induce the population to consume this foul stuff, the main distributor has added other flavors, one of which is restricted to sales only in a certain chain of "Southwestern" fast food restaurants.
We bring this news to you, as well as the flavor of the "restricted" variant in the hopes that you will listen, and begin to Fight the Power!! Stick it to the Man!! Stop the New World Order and their evil minions!!!